Joel Fuhrman, MD, author of Eat to Live and Disease-Proof Your Child, claims that salt and processed oil are both bad for us. Salt, he claims, citing dozens of "research studies" done by "scientists," raises blood pressure and can predispose us to stomach cancer. Processed oil, he would have us believe, contains 120 nutrient-barren calories per teaspoon, and when cooked at high temperatures, releases the potent carcinogens known as acrylomides.

Well, Dr. Fuhrman, I've got you now - I use about a tablespoon of salt per day, and about a gallon of oil. And I'm just fine. Let me explain…

Salt:

I used to have horrible allergies related to all sorts of environmental stimuli. Pollen, grasses, mold, banana pudding (just kidding - probably), you name it, I was allergic to it. I'd wheeze and sneeze and get a scratchy throat and itchy eyes. Plus I used to make sounds that those of you old enough to remember Tony Randall in The Odd Couple would find familiar.

I used to get allergy shots, take Benadryl and other concoctions like they were water, try every herb and homeopathic remedy on the market, and no luck. No improvement.

I no longer suffer from allergies at all. No head colds, stuffy nose, post-nasal drip. What's my secret? Two things:

1. Nutritional Strategies

I eat tons of fruits and vegetables every day (here "tons" is a colorful descriptor and not a literal fact, in case anyone from the FDA or FTC is reading this). Plus I have completely eliminated dairy products from my diet.

2. The Neti Pot

The truth is, even eating a perfect diet isn't going to keep you from getting sick from time to time. Unless you've never eaten junk (a heritage you can bequeath to your kids, even if you can never claim it), you're going to be susceptible to disease from time to time. Maybe there are still environmental triggers to allergy or illness. Maybe you get really stressed and overwhelmed from time to time. The practice of nasal cleansing (an ancient one from the Indian Ayurvedic tradition) has been the crowning jewel on my newfound Happy Nose.

Every morning, I use a Neti Pot to clean my nasal passages. I mix about a tablespoon of sea salt in warm water, add it to the Neti Pot, and - well, we're all mature here - I stick the spout of the pot up one nostril and tilt my head so the warm salt water goes up into my sinuses and out the other nostril. Probably not something you want me to videotape or even photograph, but there you have it.

Oil:

Yes, oil is extremely high in empty calories. Yes, it leads to increased cholesterol, even if they oil has no cholesterol in it. Yes, processed oils are stripped of almost all the nutrients found in the original whole plant. Yes, processed oils go rancid quickly. Yes, processed oils cooked at high temperatures can lead to cancer. But here's what Dr. Fuhrman doesn't realize: you don't have to put the oils into your body!

1. Fitness

A lot of the strength exercises I like require lifting and carrying and swinging things. You can spend money on weights or medicine balls or D-balls or kettlebells, but I'm a bit of a cheapskate. I prefer using things that I already have on hand. And I find half-gallon plastic containers of olive or canola or corn or safflower oil just about perfect for shoulder presses and swings.

2. Massage

A lot of research shows that human beings require human touch just as much as we require clean air, fresh water, and healthy food. Touch is a nutrient, and massage is a wonderful way to share touch and restore health to muscles. A little almond oil rubbed into the back and shoulders is a great way to share this nutrient with our family. When I became a licensed massage therapist in 1990, the whole field was confused with "massage parlors," aka the sex trade. Fifteen years later, therapeutic massage is much more mainstream and less fraught with inappropriate sexual stuff.

What's missing is the DIY approach to massage - yes, trained therapists are great. But massage is such a positive way of healing and promoting health, and it feels so good, and it's so emotionally and psychologically healthy, it would be great if more of us could learn the basics and share it with our partner and kids.

So get out that almond oil, and don't worry about Dr. Fuhrman…

Wait a minute… What?… Dr. Fuhrman's talking about eating salt and oil? Oh, that's different. Wow, I feel stupid now. Sorry, Dr. Fuhrman, I guess I jumped to conclusions there.

Never mind.