When I was nine years old, I decided to give up the piano and study the violin. By that time, I was old enough and musically sophisticated enough to realize what a horrible racket I was making when I scratched the bow across the strings of my cheap, three-quarters size box of agony.

As a result, I developed a look on my face as I practiced that would not be out of place in an abbatoir. Although I stuck with it and eventually became good enough to play at nursing homes full of deaf senior citizens (the ones without hearing aids never seemed to be attracted to my concerts), practicing never came easily to me. I recall constant fights about it with my parents: threats about canceling my lessons, about not letting me play sports, about grounding me.

As long as my practice time was only 30 minutes per day, I could knock it out during a single episode of "I Dream of Jeannie." I developed the ability to play a single note for 60 whole seconds, softly enough that I could still hear Jeannie and Roger and Major Nelson, and I would just do 30 of them and I could go outside and accidently plant softballs in my neighbors' bedroom windows.

So you'll understand why I never associated music with relaxation or higher consciousness.

Yet now, in my 40s, I learn that music can have a calming effect on the heart, and may actually be useful in the prevention and treatment of heart disease and stroke. Researchers from Pavia, Italy and Oxford, England, looked at breathing and circulation in 24 young people who were listening to various types of music.

It turns out, according to the study, that the critical factor in whether music lowers or raises heart and breathing rates is not the quality of the music, or whether the listener likes it or not, but simply… the tempo.

That is, whether it's the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Power of Equality" from Blood Sugar Sex Magik (now there's a title that Novo Nordisk is kicking themselves for missing: "If you have diabetes, ask your doctor about 'Blood Sugar Sex Magik.'") or Vivaldi's Estate Violin Concerto, as long as it's 108 beats per minute, it will have the same effect on your heart rate. The music that had the greatest relaxation effect was an Indian raga by Debu Chaudhuri.

And here's the kicker - the effects were greatest in the 12 subjects with the most musical training.

So thanks, Mom and Dad! (And Major Nelson!)

The BBC review of the research ends with the fascinating paragraph:

Other research has shown that music can cut stress, improve athletic performance, improve movement in neurologically impaired patients, and even boost milk production in cattle.

Researchers in Leicester, England, found that dairy cows produced more milk to REM's "Everybody Hurts" and Beethoven's "Pastoral Symphony" than the Beatle's "Back in the USSR." The cows listened to the music 10 hours a day, from 5 am to 5 pm. For some reason, Brittany Spears was not on the playlist - perhaps the University's Internal Review Board deemed such treatment as cruel.

How long can it be before some entrepreneur creates a record label devoted exclusively to boosting milk production by dairy cows. I've already got the name: Mooed Music.

Be well and happy!

Howie